Parenting is one of the most heart warming and heart wrenching experiences I have ever been through! It is also one of the most important and frustrating roles. You can feel like a hero one moment and powerless the next, which is why I have put together three powerful parenting tools you can use to rejuvenate your energy, release the parenting pressure, and reconnect with your child.

Parenting Tool #1: Stop

Parenting takes a tremendous amount of time and energy, which is why it’s imperative that every parent stop and take at least a 15-minute break each day. During this break, you are no longer a parent. In fact, the only thing that matters in these few moments is your health and happiness. This isn’t time to work, do laundry, or pay bills. Spend this time indulging in the simple luxuries of life. Maybe you want to take a bath, read a book, watch TV, journal, or draw. One of the things I do is go for a walk with my camera. I enjoy taking photos of flowers and leaves. It doesn’t matter what you do. It only matters that you do so with the intention of taking care of yourself now so that you can continue in the job of taking care of your child later.

Schedule this time just like you would a meeting with a client or your boss. Put it on your calendar, send yourself a reminder, and don’t schedule anything else for this time. When it is time for your 15 minutes of me-time make sure people know you are unavailable. Tell them ahead of time and put up your “Do not disturb” sign. This will reduce the chances of any potential conflict that could interfere with your rejuvenating time. And if you parent with a partner, then share this tool with him or her. Coordinate your me-time or better yet, take pleasure in it together. Imagine improving your partnership while re-charging your parenting energy all at the same time!

Parenting Tool #2: Scream!

Children of all ages have this way of invoking anger and frustration in parents like no one else! But, don’t worry. This is perfectly natural. The quickest and most effective way to process it is to let yourself feel it. I know this might sound completely backwards. Parents are supposed to be calm, understanding, and mature, right? Well, yes and no. Parents might be the adult in the relationship, but we are human too. We feel the same emotions that everyone else does. So find a quiet place to be alone where your son or daughter can’t hear you and simply let it flow. In this space, you get to say it like you feel and think it without any filtering or prettying it up. You can scream, shout, and swear. The more you allow the thoughts, feelings, and expletives to flow now, the calmer you will be later.

If you are uncomfortable speaking in an empty room, then you can write your thoughts and feelings down or enlist a venting partner. Writing is a great alternative because it can be done quietly with your child in the next room. If you decide to enlist a venting partner, then pick a person you feel comfortable with who is able to listen objectively without adding fuel to the fire or giving advice (unless requested). If you vent with a partner, then practice both roles (venting and listening). Whether you vent on your own, in your journal, or with a partner be sure to limit your venting time to 10 minutes or less.

Parenting Tool #3: Share

As parents, we want our children to share their personal experiences with us. We ask them to talk about their social, academic, and even sex lives. This is immensely personal stuff! So I’m curious…how good are you at sharing your personal life with your child? Many parents would be mortified at the thought of sharing the truth about their personal lives with their children. And yet, connecting is a two-way street and the truth is your relationship can only go as deep as you are willing to go yourself. So here’s the challenge: at least once a day share a personal experience with your child. It can be about work, something you read recently, or even a childhood story of your own. It doesn’t matter what you share. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if your child responds to your story. What matters is that you are creating an opportunity to connect with your child, and if this is new for you, then it is new for your child as well. Give yourself and your child permission to grow into this process. Share only what you are comfortable with and then thank your child for listening. This daily practice could literally take a couple of minutes or it could spark a lively and engaging conversation. But, you’ll never know unless you try!

Well, Moms and Dads, the bottom line is the more you embrace your humanity the closer you can be with your child. I hope you benefit from stopping, screaming, and sharing! I love to hear from parents, and I invite you to email me your stories at Coach@CassandraRae.com. Happy parenting!

© 2007 Cassandra Rae