I am thrilled to announce that SimplyFearless.com has launched! It is an on-line community dedicated to helping you design, create, and live:

Your Simply Fearless Life!

We are currently looking for contributors to submit articles in the following categories:

• Health & Humanity
• Fun & Friends
• Family & Parenting
• Solopreneurs & Blogging
• Home & Office Design
• Love & Romance
• Spirituality & God

If you’d like to contribute an article (even one you’ve already written & published!), then send me an email at Cassandra@SimplyFearless.com.

Parenting Innovation: Raising Creative and Courageous Teens!

I had such an amazing time yesterday with Dee McCrorey on her BlogTalkRadio show Coach for Innovation! We talked about courage, creativity, connecting, responsible risk taking, and structures to support you in your relationship with your teen. Dee asked some important and tough questions about fear, control, letting go, conflict, trust, and authority. We shared so much valuable information and tools for you to use in your life and relationships.

I invite you to listen to the recording at:

www.blogtalkradio.com/CoachforInnovation/2007/12/10/Coach…

You can also download the MP3 and check out Dee’s other shows at:

www.blogtalkradio.com/CoachforInnovation

Show recap:
Date / Time: 12/9/2007 6:00 PM
Parenting Innovation: Raising Creative & Courageous Teens
The next generation of innovators is learning two critical knowledge skills needed in the world of business: creativity and courage. Who are these innovators? Why they’re our teens! My guest this week is Cassandra Rae, a certified coach and trainer, who specializes in helping parents and teens connect. Join us for an interactive discussion that’s sure to change how you look at teens tomorrow!

Power of Frustration: Transforming Conflict into Connection

I am excited to invite you to my next internet radio adventure with Lydia Mattison of Empowered Space on BlogTalkRadio! This hour is about connecting, inspiring, and empowering you into creating the life of your desire. We come together with the intention of supporting you and this week we will be exploring the power of frustration and how it can be a catalyst for much needed change.

This is such an important topic for parents and teens as frustration is one of the most prevalent causes for shutting down and keeping us disconnected with ourselves and others. Lydia and I will talk about expectations, silent contracts, underlying beliefs, hidden messages, unmet needs, and what you can do to turn your relationship conflicts into the connections you desire.

Your presence makes a difference and we hope will join us and call in with your insights and questions. When you share, everyone benefits!

www.blogtalkradio.com/empoweringspace
Thursday, December 13, 2007
4 pm/7pm California/New York time
Click the above link to tune in
Connect with us by calling in at (347) 215-8414

Here is Lydia’s invitation for you:

Thursday’s show is about finding the gold in the dirt. Using our emotions as a call to action by transforming conflict into connection. My guest is author, inspirational speaker, and life coach Cassandra Rae. She works with parents and teens, who are frustrated, confused, and fearful about the future, who want to communicate better, fight less, connect more, and simply enjoy loving and respectful family relationships.

Every feeling you have – good or bad – is based on your interpretation of what things mean.

You can feel anyway you choose at any moment in time. There is a message in every emotion, a signal, a call to action.

They tell you that what you are currently doing, is not working. What you are doing, is not giving you the desired results. Change your approach. Change your perception by asking better questions.

• What is the message of frustration?
• Where is the power in frustration?
• Describe a current frustration in your life?
• What need is not being met?
• What are you willing to do about it?
• Are you ready to transform your conflict into connection?

Reminder: Parenting Power Tools Teleclass next week

Have you registered for the Parenting Power Tools Teleclass yet? Read about it here and send me an email at Coach@CassandraRae.com to register. This one hour class is all about providing a safe space for you to receive support, learn new skills, and rejuvenate your soul so that you can enjoy a fabulous, pressure-free holiday season with your family!

Overloaded by Cassandra Rae

I just spent the last half an hour sitting in my chair, staring out the window, and watching the leaves dance in the wind. You see, I felt so overwhelmed with all of the things I wanted to do that I simply overloaded and shut down. I felt worse with each passing moment, but I just couldn’t pull my attention away from the leaves and back to the tasks at hand. It all felt so heavy and I didn’t want to face it. Finally, I decided to journal. I knew that if I wrote about how I felt that I might start to feel better. At the very least, writing was more than staring.

After I allowed my feelings to flow into my journal for a while, I began to make a list of things I wanted to do. As I went, I broke down each task into step-by-step pieces. Before I was even done with the list, I got up and did the easiest one! With one item checked off the list, I felt inspired to keep going and the fact that you are reading this means that I’ve accomplished at least three more items on the list! Woohoo! Now I’m off to celebrate with a healthy snack and 20 minutes of Home and Garden television – one of my personal favorites!

Practical Tips to Live By

Here are some things you can do whenever you feel overloaded:

Describe it

The simple act of writing down your thoughts and feelings releases them from within and frees up energy for you to devote to other things.

Make a Could-Do List

There is always more things we want to do than we have time and energy to do. So instead of making a “to-do list” make a “could-do” list! Some of the items will get done. Some won’t. That’s okay. Use the list to help you organize and prioritize.

One Small Step

No matter how many things you want to accomplish, the next step is only one step. Focus on one small, manageable step at a time and before you know it you will have achieved more than you imagined possible!

Celebrate!

Give yourself credit for your accomplishments. This can be as big as a week long vacation or as small as a moment to smile and feel good about yourself. It doesn’t matter how you celebrate. It only matters that you give yourself credit because your time and energy are valuable resources and when you recognize your efforts, you are filling up your reserves!

Upcoming Events

The holidays are primed for overwhelm, which is why I am writing about it and I’m also teaching about it. I am excited to invite you to a free parenting teleclass where you will have the opportunity to receive support, learn how to use stress as a tool to support you, and connect with other parents facing similar challenges.

Parenting Power Tools
Should vs. Could: From pressure to peace
Monday, December 17, 2007 from 7 to 8pm Pacific Standard Time
Led by: Cassandra Rae, certified professional coach
Registration required for this *FREE* class

To register simply send me an email at Coach@CassandraRae.com and I will send you the class materials along with the telephone number and access code (long distance rates may apply). If you are interested, but can’t make the date & time, then please register anyhow. You will still receive the materials and the class will be recorded, which means that you will have the opportunity to listen at your convenience.

Would you like to learn more? Simply give me a call at (408) 206-1662. I’d love to connect with you!

New Season, New Focus

This past summer was a time of intense soul-searching for me and as the weather gets colder my heart grows warmer with inspiration, energy, and a renewed sense of purpose. I spent the summer searching my heart for my calling, my purpose, and my mission and you know what? My heart brought me right back to serving parents and teens! I have rediscovered my passion for supporting parents of teens and tweens and I look forward to sharing it all with you over the next few weeks and months. Watch for new classes, groups, presentations, and programs! In the meantime, I invite you to visit my internet home at CassandraRae.com where I have updated every single page. Be sure to visit the About page where I have included my own personal story titled “From ‘Hard-Ass Mom’ to Compassionate Parent!”

New Blog!

I am excited to announce my latest blog adventure: Parenteen: helping parents and teens connect! Each day I post a photo along with a message and nothing is off limits in this blog! Not only do I share my personal experiences as a teen and as a parent of a teen, but we also delve into topics such as sex, drugs, stress, and more. If it affects teens and parents, then we go there. Nothing is off limits, because if you are a parent of a teen, then you know that facing the uncomfortable and taboo is simply part of the job. Each entry is wrapped up with a ParenTake, which is a challenge for you to take with you. And all of this is packed into just a few paragraphs because I understand how busy life is. The ParenTeen blog is all about making the most of your time while still slowing down to connect. I invite you to check it out, post your insights, and email me at Coach@CassandraRae.com with your suggested topics and parenting questions. It is my absolute pleasure to support you!

Upcoming Events

You are invited to attend 3 inspirational workshops I will be facilitating at Overtime Fitness, an awesome gym and wellness community! These workshops are all about teaching you the skills I use with my clients to help them rock out their lives and relationships! Are you ready to rock it out?

*Coaching Skills for Work: decrease stress, increase balance*
Tuesday, October 30, 2007 from 6:30 – 7:30 pm

*Coaching Skills for Parents: create loving boundaries*
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 from 6:30 – 7:30 pm

*Coaching Skills for Health: love your body right now*
Tuesday, December 4, 2007 from 6:30 – 7:30 pm

All workshops are:
Held at Overtime Fitness, 1625 N. Shoreline Blvd, Mountain View, CA 94043
Free for OTF members and $5 for non-members
Call (408) 206-1662 or email Coach@CassandraRae.com to register

Inspiring Words

“We must, like a painter, take time to stand back from our work, to be still, and thus see what’s what…”

~ William McNamara

7 Ways to Take Care of You

1. Sit in a comfortable chair and do nothing for 15 minutes
2. Write a letter to yourself about all the fabulous traits you have
3. Say no if you don’t have the space in your schedule
4. Enjoy a soak in the hot tub
5. Indulge in a good book
6. Exercise your legs and spirit: take a walk on your lunch break
7. Listen to your favorite music on the drive to work

Challenge: make your own list of 7 Ways to Take Care of You and commit to doing one each day for the next week. Have fun!

Do you know a parent of a teen or tween?

I’m on a mission to reach as many parents as possible and I’d love your help! I invite you to forward this message or email this page to parents who might be interested and also to others who work with parents of teens and tweens like teachers, administrators, etc. Thank you so much for helping me empower families, parents, teens, and tweens…you rock!

Hello there ~

I have spent a good portion of my life safely shut down and protected by a thick layer of anger. Disconnection was the only way. It was better not to know what I wanted for fear of never being good enough to get it. If I never tried, then I could never fail. Of course, all of this led me to tax accounting!

Numbers and laws are safely predictable and measurable. I always knew where I stood; I could find my way around; and everything was neat and tidy. Then why was I so miserable? I kept counting, measuring, and tabulating. It just wasn’t adding up. Something was missing. But, what?

Through a series of fortuitous events, I discovered that behind the anger was fear. Behind the fear was loneliness. Behind the loneliness was love. And behind the love was me. It was me who was missing!

Step by step I reconnected with more and more of myself. Through the process, I discovered a passion for photography, painting, drawing, interior design, people, learning, relationships, and humanity. The rigid numbers fell away to reveal the flow of creativity, the spontaneity of people, and a love for humankind.

Today I am passionate about helping others build their own connections with their talents, their passions, their family, their friends, and most of all with themselves. I invite you to schedule a complimentary session to learn more about me, my work, and how I can support you into building the connections of your heart’s desire!

Warmly ~
Cassandra

Parenting is one of the most heart warming and heart wrenching experiences I have ever been through! It is also one of the most important and frustrating roles. You can feel like a hero one moment and powerless the next, which is why I have put together three powerful parenting tools you can use to rejuvenate your energy, release the parenting pressure, and reconnect with your child.

Parenting Tool #1: Stop

Parenting takes a tremendous amount of time and energy, which is why it’s imperative that every parent stop and take at least a 15-minute break each day. During this break, you are no longer a parent. In fact, the only thing that matters in these few moments is your health and happiness. This isn’t time to work, do laundry, or pay bills. Spend this time indulging in the simple luxuries of life. Maybe you want to take a bath, read a book, watch TV, journal, or draw. One of the things I do is go for a walk with my camera. I enjoy taking photos of flowers and leaves. It doesn’t matter what you do. It only matters that you do so with the intention of taking care of yourself now so that you can continue in the job of taking care of your child later.

Schedule this time just like you would a meeting with a client or your boss. Put it on your calendar, send yourself a reminder, and don’t schedule anything else for this time. When it is time for your 15 minutes of me-time make sure people know you are unavailable. Tell them ahead of time and put up your “Do not disturb” sign. This will reduce the chances of any potential conflict that could interfere with your rejuvenating time. And if you parent with a partner, then share this tool with him or her. Coordinate your me-time or better yet, take pleasure in it together. Imagine improving your partnership while re-charging your parenting energy all at the same time!

Parenting Tool #2: Scream!

Children of all ages have this way of invoking anger and frustration in parents like no one else! But, don’t worry. This is perfectly natural. The quickest and most effective way to process it is to let yourself feel it. I know this might sound completely backwards. Parents are supposed to be calm, understanding, and mature, right? Well, yes and no. Parents might be the adult in the relationship, but we are human too. We feel the same emotions that everyone else does. So find a quiet place to be alone where your son or daughter can’t hear you and simply let it flow. In this space, you get to say it like you feel and think it without any filtering or prettying it up. You can scream, shout, and swear. The more you allow the thoughts, feelings, and expletives to flow now, the calmer you will be later.

If you are uncomfortable speaking in an empty room, then you can write your thoughts and feelings down or enlist a venting partner. Writing is a great alternative because it can be done quietly with your child in the next room. If you decide to enlist a venting partner, then pick a person you feel comfortable with who is able to listen objectively without adding fuel to the fire or giving advice (unless requested). If you vent with a partner, then practice both roles (venting and listening). Whether you vent on your own, in your journal, or with a partner be sure to limit your venting time to 10 minutes or less.

Parenting Tool #3: Share

As parents, we want our children to share their personal experiences with us. We ask them to talk about their social, academic, and even sex lives. This is immensely personal stuff! So I’m curious…how good are you at sharing your personal life with your child? Many parents would be mortified at the thought of sharing the truth about their personal lives with their children. And yet, connecting is a two-way street and the truth is your relationship can only go as deep as you are willing to go yourself. So here’s the challenge: at least once a day share a personal experience with your child. It can be about work, something you read recently, or even a childhood story of your own. It doesn’t matter what you share. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if your child responds to your story. What matters is that you are creating an opportunity to connect with your child, and if this is new for you, then it is new for your child as well. Give yourself and your child permission to grow into this process. Share only what you are comfortable with and then thank your child for listening. This daily practice could literally take a couple of minutes or it could spark a lively and engaging conversation. But, you’ll never know unless you try!

Well, Moms and Dads, the bottom line is the more you embrace your humanity the closer you can be with your child. I hope you benefit from stopping, screaming, and sharing! I love to hear from parents, and I invite you to email me your stories at Coach@CassandraRae.com. Happy parenting!

© 2007 Cassandra Rae

Would you like to improve your life and

relationships but aren’t sure where to start?

Are you ready to learn how?

I am excited to announce Coaching Skills for Life™ an inspirational workshop I am leading at Overtime Fitness, a fitness facility dedicated to helping people grow and engage in a wellness-based lifestyle. Life coaching is an integral part of the Health & Wellness movement because it helps people process through fear, take their lives to the next level, and achieve more success in a shorter amount of time. Now you have the opportunity to learn the very same skills that coaches use to help their clients realize their potential, heal relationships, and claim their personal power!

In this interactive workshop, we will:

• Expose the fear!
• Step into empowering perspectives!
• Create an action plan!

It’s all about coming together, building community, and learning new skills to drastically improve your life right now!

What: Coaching Skills for Life, an inspirational workshop

Led by: Cassandra Rae, CPC

When: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 at 6:30 pm

Where: Overtime Fitness, 1625 Shoreline Blvd, Mountain View, CA 94043

Cost: Free for OTF members and $5 for non-members

Register: Call (408) 206-1662 or email Coach@CassandraRae.com

I look forward to the opportunity to meet you, connect with you, and support you!

Click here for a program flyer

How often do you say to yourself, “I should ___________” or “I should have ___________”? It’s so easy to fall into the “should” trap which is when we beat ourselves up over things we want to do in the future, or wish we had already done in the past. The trap is that feeling bad about something doesn’t actually make it any better or change your actions. It seems like feeling bad should move us into action, but is that what really happens? Time and again it’s actually the opposite that takes place. Have you ever noticed how the things you “should” yourself over are things you avoid the most?! Like, I should diet and exercise. Or I should have saved more money last year.

“Shoulds” are one of the heaviest barriers to happiness and joy because they are weighed down with judgment and create a narrow definition of what’s acceptable. By default, everything outside of the “shoulds” is wrong or not good enough. Frequently we “should” ourselves with things that we wouldn’t “should” on others. Or worse, we “should” ourselves into shutting down. And when we bring the “shoulds” into our relationships, they too become weighed down with criticism for ourselves and others. The “shoulds” build a wall around us, leaving a feeling of isolation and loneliness. We feel disconnected and overwhelmed which are two of the most common side effects of the “should” trap.

Often times we simply haven’t practiced any other way than to “should” ourselves and others. There is safety in the familiar even when it’s no longer serving you. So today I invite you to take a bold step outside of the “shoulds” and into the wide open space of the “coulds”. The “coulds” are your choices. The “coulds” allow you to let go of regretting the past and fearing the future. They bring you into the reality of choosing who and how you want to be right now in this present moment. No matter how strongly you feel or think you “should” be a certain way, you do have an endless amount of options.

The Random House Unabridged Dictionary says that an option is “the power or right of choosing.” I believe that you have both the power and the right to choose the best plan of action for you based on your current values and not because anyone else says that is what you “should” do. The reverse is true as well: others have the power and right to choose the best plan of action for themselves based on their values and not because you say that is what they “should” do. The “coulds” aren’t about shirking your responsibilities or blowing people off. Instead, they are about facing your responsibilities from a new empowered perspective where you choose the next best step for you.

The “could” option becomes even more powerful when you back it up with a commitment. If you recognize your options and then return to “shoulding” yourself, then you are right back behind the “should” barrier feeling dissatisfied and overwhelmed with guilt. However, if you look at your options and step into your personal power by making a commitment to yourself, then you are exercising your right and power to choose.

Now, it would be real easy to walk away from this article thinking, “Okay, I ‘should’ never ‘should’ on myself.” But, that too is a “should!” Thinking and saying, “I should…” is simply a part of being human. I’m not asking you to never use “should” again. But, I am asking you to notice when it comes up and make a conscious decision about how to move forward.

The bottom line is you can beat yourself up with the “shoulds” or you can use them as stepping-stones into the life and relationships of your design. Every time you notice a “should” come up for you, simply change it to “could.” For example, change “I should call my mom,” to “I could call my mom.” Next ask yourself, “And what else could I do?” and exercise your right to choose by considering your options. Finally ask yourself, “What am I willing to commit to?” and exert your personal power by making a commitment to be the kind of person you want to be. Stand tall in your magnificent presence free from the burden of the “should” barrier!

© 2007 Cassandra Rae

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you never felt frustrated with anyone ever again?! Sounds great, right? Because let’s face it; feelings of frustration are a breeding ground for conflict, arguments, and disagreements. People break up, quit their jobs, and run others off the freeway all because of a little frustration.

And yet, if you never felt frustrated again how would you know when something needs to change? Frustration is one of the most valuable and effective relationship tools because it lets you know when there is an unresolved problem and it’s time to discover what the heck it is!

One of the first reactions to frustration is to pull away from others. We shut down because the frustration stands in between us and the other person. Believe it or not, this is a good thing! You see, when feelings of frustration come up we need the emotional and physical space to gain some insight, awareness, and knowledge about ourselves and others before trying to move forward. So the first thing to do when you feel frustrated is to give yourself the gift of some quiet alone time to process it.

Once you’re alone, take out your journal (or a piece of paper) and write down, “I feel frustrated!” Then continue writing down your thoughts and feelings until there is nothing left to describe. The key here is to write about your experience with the intention of moving forward. If you write just to complain and prove why the other person is evil, then you will stay stuck in the frustration and ultimately in the relationship too. You will know when you have honored yourself through writing when your feelings of frustration have diminished or disappear altogether.

Even though you might feel better now, your work isn’t done yet. If you stop here, then the next time a similar situation comes up you might feel frustrated and angry. Instead now is the time to have some fun considering your options. You get to come up with all kinds of ideas about what you can do next. Maybe there is something you need to share with the other person. Maybe you need to ask for support. Or maybe there is a boundary to be put into place. Whatever it is don’t leave out any possibility at this stage in the process. In your journal write down all of your options and include everything from the blatantly obvious to the wildly absurd. Chances are one of them will be the next best step for you.

Okay, you are one step away from transforming frustration into a relationship blessing! Look back at all of the options you wrote down and ask yourself, “Which one am I willing to commit to?” Pick the one that it is in alignment with what you truly want; the one you are most likely to follow through with; and the one that just feels right. Oh yeah, and make sure that it isn’t against the law either! Once you’ve settled on a commitment write it down in your journal along with a timeline for completion and step into powerful action.

The bottom line is that you can let frustration beat you up and run you down or you can use it as a sign that there is action to be taken, a need to be met, and an opportunity to grow. So what are you going to do? I encourage you to notice it, own it, honor it, and improve your relationship in the process! Because when you do, you are relationship blessing too!

© 2007 Cassandra Rae

Dear Powerful Parents!

You are invited to listen to my very first Parenting Podcast! Simply close the door to the rest of the world, grab your favorite beverage, sit back, relax, and click play to listen in. Today’s discussion is all about using loving boundaries to bring you and your teen closer together. Listen in and then post your answer to today’s questions:

• When you say no what are you saying yes to?
• When you say yes what are you saying no to?

You can post your thoughts, insights, and answers as a comment, email me at Coach@CassandraRae.com, or call me at (408) 206-1662. I look forward to connecting with you!

Smiles ~
Coach Cassandra

**note: this podcast is about 10 minutes long…can you imagine changing your perspective in as little as 10 minutes?